Today I called the college to see if they received my FAFSA application. They had, and it was denied. Then I applied for every other loan and grant they gave me; Those all got denied instantly too. Apparently my husband's income puts me 'over the fence' financially. Alright, fair enough, we pay our bills, and don't necessarily go without; Yet, if you throw in a $500/month tuition bill, I can't afford other things, such as electric.
I didn't have many programs to choose from, but there were plenty for other walks of life; Such as a Hispanic Scholarship Fund, American Indian Graduate Center, Asian and Pacific Islander American Scholarship Fund, oh, and of course the United Negro College Fund. Where is mine for being Caucasian? I can't have the same option because my skin is white, as a spanish person gets for having an awesome natural tan? Or what about me as a Jew? My 'people' were persecuted in a pretty severe way, being baked, gassed and tortured in other ways; How is that any different than an African American getting a 'Negro Fund' because of slavery? I'm pretty sure any Jew would have chosen slavery over their camps and ovens; Just sayin'.
I guess I'll never know the exact breakdown of these programs, and I've probably spoken completely out of turn. I do not care though; I'm mad I'm not going to be able to start school in August, unless I win the lottery. Maybe I should play it. I'm also just tired of applying, it's made me sick of my own personal information!
With that, I'm headed into shower, and then into my bed early, possibly to cry. I know God works in mysterious ways, and that everything will work out, but I really, really, really wanted this.
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